Is it possible to be a good person and a bad person at the same time? As an 18-year-old girl this is the battle I’m facing in my life. I lead two very different lives all meshed into one. In one of those lives I am an outstanding human being. That’s the side of me that sits with her family at dinner and engages in conversations about life, love, social issues, and politics, conversations that should be far beyond my years. It’s the side of me that recites slam poetry and studies at coffee shops. My ability to love my friends unconditionally, and my strong work ethic. The side that is silly, and the side that can always have a big smile on.
I have a powerful and passionate view of the world and truly believe that humanity needs to live in peace. I think that in one way or another we are all connected in a way that no one will ever be able to fathom. I believe in helping the environment, helping each other, and I also believe in love. So with all these qualities it would seem that I am genuinely a pretty good person.
But then there’s the other side of me. The side that goes out to party every night and makes stupid mistakes. Leading boys on only to throw them to the curb, moving on to the next thing, making it impossible to form true relationships. The side of me that gossips and loves to shop and look nice. The side that talks behind the backs of others and spends just a little too much time straightening my hair.
But I’m beginning to think this is a problem that everyone faces at this age. The question of who do you want to be in this life and what do you want to contribute to the world?
I know I’m not a bad person. Perhaps that’s just part of being a teenager. This is the part of life where you get all the bad out of your system in order to become good.
But I will also work everyday of my life to work to become better. If I only get to live one life I want to live it right.
When my time comes I want to know that I have lived my life fully. I want to see every inch of the world. I want to meet new people and form relationships. I want to get a tattoo because why wouldn’t I have that experience? And so I will do all those things. I’ll live in a big city once. I’ll travel all over the world but still have a home and a garden. I will give back as well, I will help others because I have the ability to and I will learn how to love without hate. So no, I don’t think I’m a bad person – I’m just a teenager. When I come to the end of my life I will look back upon it and be able to say these three words – I am good.
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